Public Speaking Confidence

You need to understand that you are the sum of your memories and experiences to date. It is certainly true that we might all be much happier and positive, if we could erase our bad memories, which are usually also causing our discomfort in the present and also our fears about the future. However all our experiences are about learning and therefore will be developmental and of some value for us at some level. So how can you move on,  taking your learning from the past and turning your future into a much more positive experience.

1) First and foremost you have to like yourself, because how can other people like you and respond to you if you are constantly sending out negative vibes to them and the universe. You need to be your  own best friend and give yourself an honest dispassionate assessment of yourself. Stand out of yourself and view from a distance, and make a list of positives (and trust me, there will be many), and negatives also as you see them. If you have a trusted friend to help you, great , enlist their help. Do not stop until you have at least 30 positives. Read them over and over to yourself, praise yourself and let them sink in. Repeated positive affirmation will get through to your subconcious and change you belief system. Forgive yourself for indiscretions and mistakes-you are human, it is all learning, make amends where you can, forgive yourself and move on.

2)  Listen to your mind and body and treat them with respect. Care for your body, do not abuse it in any way. Give it good food and exercise, and take the advice yourself that you would give a best friend that you love and care for. Feed your mind positive thoughts about yourself and your situation. Relax and meditate if you can. Binaural beats are a fast and effective route to complete peace and relaxation. Your perception and attitude is crucial. Happiness is often a decision to be happy, and just a different perception of the same circumstance. Your current thoughts, feelings and attitudes are shaping your future as we speak, so monitor them and do not nurture negative thoughts.

3)  Detach from regularly negative people, they will bring you down with them. You soak up enough negativity from the news, and you should detach from this also at least for a period if it is bringing you down.

4) Organize and declutter  your wardrobe, your living space and your mind. Unnecessary accumulation of material things and disorganization causes stress, so look to simplify your life, and appreciate the natural beauty around you. Determine to be honest and true to yourself and those around you- this will give you greater self respect and the respect of others.

5) Do a little something that you fear each day, perhaps just smile and talk to a new person and step out of your comfort zone a litle. Every little challenge that you meet and master will boost your confidence disproportionately. If you do struggle in social situations as many of us do, consider trying Conversational Hypnosis which will quickly give you the skills  to put people and yourself at ease, and build rapport quickly and easily. Each positive interaction with people will boost your confidence tremendously.

You must be persistent, keep working on things, monitor your thoughts, and always remember the words in Desiderata which I love - “you are a beautiful and unique child of the Universe, and no less than the moon and the stars you have the right to be here!”

Wishing you much peace and happiness.

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Being shy can be a debilitating problem.  It can keep you from going on dates, making friends, or even progressing in your career.  If you are extremely shy, you need to follow a few simple tips to help overcome shyness. 

Begin overcoming shyness by thinking small.  You can’t learn how to stop being shy all at once.  If you try, you will end up frustrated and under a great deal of pressure.  The best way to approach your issues with shyness is to begin by taking one step at a time.  Make an extensive list of every situation in which you find yourself feeling shy.

Different situations trigger a shy reaction for different people.  Some people simply cannot talk with someone of the opposite sex.  Severely shy individuals may find it difficult to talk to almost anyone.  Just remember, not all situations are equally difficult; therefore, it will require a different amount of effort to overcome each situation.  Short conversations are usually a lot easier than in-depth, soul searching conversations.  Conversations with one individual are usually easier than conversations with a group.  Keep this in mind.

As you keep these things in mind, write down a list of every single situation that causes you to feel shy.  Include everything you can think of.  If talking to family and friends doesn’t make you feel shy, do not include it on your list.  If, however, you get nervous talking to your friends, include that on your list. 

Some shy individuals find it difficult making small talk with a store clerk.  Others can’t stand the thought of having a conversation with the opposite sex.  Identify and sort through your shyness issues.  Then, you will be able to tackle them methodically, one at a time.  Once you identify the first item on your list, resolve to put yourself into a situation involving that area of shyness every single day.

If it makes you feel shy to talk to everyone, then you may need to begin by going into a small store every day and speaking to the clerk.  Also, try to make yourself speak to the people around you in line.  Put yourself in the uncomfortable situation of making conversation whether you want to or not.  This is the best way to begin to make strides in overcoming shyness.

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When you are shy it is a difficult condition to deal with.  Even though it is a tough emotional issue, there are positive things you can do to help combat the issue and get over shyness. 

If you find yourself shy around the opposite sex, practice by going out with your friends and starting short conversations every time.  We usually find it easier to start conversations when we are with friends or family.  You will be able to lengthen conversations over time, but restrict yourself to short conversations at first.  This way, you will not lose confidence. 

Maintaining confidence is one important reason that shyness has to be tackled in the order of overcoming each difficulty. Don’t try to do too much at once.  The reason you need to go through a process is to build up skills confidence over time. One of the most important things you can do to overcome shyness is to practice overcoming these situations every day.  This is the best way to make consistent progress in overcoming shyness. After you have built up your self-confidence in the easiest social situations, you will want to progress to more difficult situations.

Once you overcome each situation for a week or so, it is probably time to move to the next step.  Try to have a longer conversation or move to the next item on your list. If you meet each challenge on your list individually, you will progressively make progress in overcoming shyness.

One of the most important things you can do for yourself is practice.  You may want to practice in front of a mirror.  At least, imagine yourself in a challenging social situation.  Think of a situation that makes you nervous.  Once you do this, imagine a conversation, including the reactions of others. Then, you can visualize yourself responding appropriately. 

Make sure you don’t let others do your talking on your behalf.  Sometimes friends or relatives of shy people speak up on the shy person’s behalf.  They are trying to be helpful, but it actually keeps you from talking for yourself. 

Take time to celebrate your progress. Enjoy it when you succeed in the steps you are taking to overcome shyness. You should do something nice for yourself. Instead of thinking and talking about how shy you are, spend time praising yourself for your progress.

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